DJ Gallo

Image of toast seen on Jesus!

I have already written one book.  And another is on the way. 

But I think my new book idea is my best one yet.  It’s a children’s book.  And I have a feeling it could be big.  Really big.

I’m calling it: “Horton Hears a Whom!”

Here’s a quick sample: 

“Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor!” Horton called. “Mr. Mayor!”

You’ve got to prove now that you really are there!

So call a big meeting. Get everyone out.

Make every Whom holler! Make every Whom shout!

Make every Whom scream! If you don’t, every Whom

Is going to end up in a Beezle-Nut stew!”

Huh? Huh? Good, right? I think this can be big. Really big. 

I just might need to re-work that last part so it rhymes.

Make every Whom scream! If you don’t every Whom

Is going to end up in a Beezle-Nut stewhom!”

Yeah. Nice.

nurse

  :

sexy nurse

  :

fat, sexy nurse

  :

fat, sexy nurse’s patient

  :

fat, sexy nurse’s dead patient

  :

fat, sexy nurse having sex with dead patient

psychology: “Have sex with me, beautiful woman.”

reverse psychology: “Don’t have sex with me, beautiful woman.”

reverse reverse psychology: “Have sex with me, beautiful woman!”

perverse psychology: “F – - k me, goat.”

As we learned with Hurricane Katrina, God sends hurricanes to cities that deserve them. New Orleans, of course, was ridden with naked boobies. (Cover those up! And who made those horrible things anyway?!)  Therefore, the city was destroyed.

But what were Houston’s sins? Where to begin …

- Houston is the home of the Texas Medical Center, the world’s largest concentration of healthcare and research institutions. Sounds like somebody doesn’t trust prayer.

- Houston is the home of NASA’s Mission Control Center. You can fly as high as you want on your rocket ships, Houstonians, but only God decides who gets through the pearly gates and who doesn’t!

- Houston ranks first in the United States in “international waterborne tonnage handled and second in total cargo tonnage handled.”  I don’t know what that means, but it sounds like it might be a euphemism for gayness.  Worst of all: gayness with foreigners.

- Their city hall is clearly an erect penis

Who know what kind of anti-God decisions are made in there by officials who willingly choose to spend each and every day inside a concrete chode.

- The introduction of air conditioning in the 1950s led to a boom in Houston. What – you don’t like the weather God made for you, Houston? Too hot for you? Wait until you get to hell. 

I could go on, but I think I made my point. 

And more importantly, I think God made His point.

With the ceremonial burning of a massive straw man.

Mmmmm … parsley.  Just look at it.  De-licious.

I like to garnish it with a nice steak.

Jazzy:

Very Jazzy:

Check this out: 

This is two years in a row now that Miss USA has done this at the Miss Universe pageant.

Now, there is definitely a time and a place to for what she did. It’s called the talent portion of the show.  Attractive, dumb, American women are unmatched in how quickly they will go down on you.  For example, this girl went down in a fraction of a second.  It’s a very marketable — and appreciated! — talent.  All the guy had to do was say her name.  He didn’t even have to say she was pretty or buy her dinner.  This woman is a star, not an object of ridicule!

But, ladies, again — save this kind of behavior for the talent portion of the show. 

Slipping and falling is hilarious, sure. But only in the right time and place.   

Also, generously doling out oral sex would help with the judges.